Well said, Donna. For those of us who have always known that we did not want children, I look forward to the day when we don’t have to constantly defend that decision. Live and let live.
Love this, thank you! I saw something on @richauntiesurpreme that made me proud to be a single cat lady. It pointed out that for many of us, we are the first of our female ancestors to live independently, support ourselves financially, and have the choice not to have children. We aren’t lacking, we’re a revolution.
This is super, super important. Thanks a lot for sharing this. You’re basically me and my wife rolled into one. She’s a woman who’s learning to exist in a world where she’s expected (and pressured) to have children, the majority of her friends having done so already, while she’s never wanted to. I’m a writer who craves time to write😂 I’m not crazy about having kids either. We have a cat, and maybe we’ll get another one, but that’s enough. Also, good on you for not letting your husband push you into it. You’re a strong person, Donna.🙏🏻
Andrei, I love that I'm both you and your wife! :) And thank you for sharing about your own experiences. I always am happy to hear from fellow writers. And yes: two cats are plenty! :)
Thanks for writing this! I'm eager to read your book.
I don't have children (I wrote a book about this last year) and I don't remember a point in my life I actually, truly, wanted to be a mother. I have considered it, but merely because people kept telling me it's only natural to have children, or that I'd regret it.
Now that I'm older, I know you have to follow your instincts, and for me that's not being a mother. It feels the most natural for me.
I know I miss a part of life that many experience, and I'm absolutely okay with that. I wouldn't want to miss what I have now in my life, which I wouldn't have had if I had children.
Marloes, thank you for stopping by to say hello! I just looked up your book but I think it's in Dutch! (Having Children is Optional, I think is the translation, right?) Congratulations. I suppose it's only natural to have children for some people, sure, but not for me. It's always nice when I write about this topic to find kindred spirits like you. I wouldn't want to miss what I have now, either!
It's so lovely to read you are content with your life!
Yes, my book is in Dutch (it stirred up quite a conversation in our little country, in a very good way). I hope to get it translated in English some day, but my research is mostly based on Dutch women and the Dutch system, so I'd have to change some chapters first. It's a mixture of my personal story, stories of other childfree women, research, history and humour, so I think it would be of interest to English-speaking women too.
I very much enjoy finding kindred spirits too. There's nothing better than to feel a connection to others, I find.
I am childfree by choice. Having children has never been on my radar. It just doesn’t appeal. Never has. I consider myself very lucky to have a husband who feels the same ❤️
I’m so glad that you didn’t cave in to the pressure. Dare I say this, but what if you did have the child and your marriage still didn’t survive?
Your book is in my TBR list! It has been since I read Olive. I think it was Emma who recommended it.
Naomi, thank you for sharing about your own experiences. And: I know (re, what if I had gone ahead and had one and THEN gotten divorced anyway! See ROSE for me playing out that particular fantasy.... lol
Thanks Donna. 'Feeling expansive' is, I think all I've ever wanted. Accepting and knowing that life will now look different to what was expected for me is quite liberating. (less f*cks given) This is so inspiring x
I loved The Nine Lives of Rose Napolitano. It’s so considered and I often think about it a couple of years after reading.
I don’t want kids either and have recently found writing. Those feelings you describe, essentially about feeling happy, resonated strongly with me. A great piece - thank you!
Hannah, thank you for the kind words about my novel--I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and also that my piece resonated. And Hannah, I was just checking out your website and substack and podcast and I am so glad to discover it! I love the theme of career change. I think about it constantly lately actually. We should talk some time about it! I'm happy you stopped by!
I would love to talk about career change with you Donna! I’m always on the lookout for people to interview for the podcast if that’s something you might be interested in?
Hannah, yes! I've been thinking about this topic constantly, and have been in a bit of an accidental career shift, that I am starting to turn intentional, and ask myself what do I want from here on out? After an earlier, major career change two decades ago. I'd love to talk about all of this with you! And I can't wait to listen to the episodes you already have up . . .
Andromeda! I keep wanting to be I touch with more questions. I just finally ordered your new book and I'm taking it away with me on Monday!!!! I can't wait to read it. Let's chat on WhatsApp.
Thank you for staying true to You! Ultimately I think that’s what it comes down to. A happy and fulfilled person is someone standing in their power, they are not easily controlled and that scares people. + it’s the biggest gift you give to yourself and those in your life :)
Well said, Donna. For those of us who have always known that we did not want children, I look forward to the day when we don’t have to constantly defend that decision. Live and let live.
Vivian, I do too!!!! xoxo
Love this, thank you! I saw something on @richauntiesurpreme that made me proud to be a single cat lady. It pointed out that for many of us, we are the first of our female ancestors to live independently, support ourselves financially, and have the choice not to have children. We aren’t lacking, we’re a revolution.
I love meeting other single cat ladies. I'm missing the cat! (But I hope to have one of those soon too.) Thank you for saying hello.
This is super, super important. Thanks a lot for sharing this. You’re basically me and my wife rolled into one. She’s a woman who’s learning to exist in a world where she’s expected (and pressured) to have children, the majority of her friends having done so already, while she’s never wanted to. I’m a writer who craves time to write😂 I’m not crazy about having kids either. We have a cat, and maybe we’ll get another one, but that’s enough. Also, good on you for not letting your husband push you into it. You’re a strong person, Donna.🙏🏻
Andrei, I love that I'm both you and your wife! :) And thank you for sharing about your own experiences. I always am happy to hear from fellow writers. And yes: two cats are plenty! :)
❤️ oh how I love this!
Thanks, Emma! I thought of you as I was writing it! xoxo
Thanks for writing this! I'm eager to read your book.
I don't have children (I wrote a book about this last year) and I don't remember a point in my life I actually, truly, wanted to be a mother. I have considered it, but merely because people kept telling me it's only natural to have children, or that I'd regret it.
Now that I'm older, I know you have to follow your instincts, and for me that's not being a mother. It feels the most natural for me.
I know I miss a part of life that many experience, and I'm absolutely okay with that. I wouldn't want to miss what I have now in my life, which I wouldn't have had if I had children.
Marloes, thank you for stopping by to say hello! I just looked up your book but I think it's in Dutch! (Having Children is Optional, I think is the translation, right?) Congratulations. I suppose it's only natural to have children for some people, sure, but not for me. It's always nice when I write about this topic to find kindred spirits like you. I wouldn't want to miss what I have now, either!
It's so lovely to read you are content with your life!
Yes, my book is in Dutch (it stirred up quite a conversation in our little country, in a very good way). I hope to get it translated in English some day, but my research is mostly based on Dutch women and the Dutch system, so I'd have to change some chapters first. It's a mixture of my personal story, stories of other childfree women, research, history and humour, so I think it would be of interest to English-speaking women too.
I very much enjoy finding kindred spirits too. There's nothing better than to feel a connection to others, I find.
Please let me know if it is translated--I'd love to read it!
I am childfree by choice. Having children has never been on my radar. It just doesn’t appeal. Never has. I consider myself very lucky to have a husband who feels the same ❤️
I’m so glad that you didn’t cave in to the pressure. Dare I say this, but what if you did have the child and your marriage still didn’t survive?
Your book is in my TBR list! It has been since I read Olive. I think it was Emma who recommended it.
Naomi, thank you for sharing about your own experiences. And: I know (re, what if I had gone ahead and had one and THEN gotten divorced anyway! See ROSE for me playing out that particular fantasy.... lol
Thanks Donna. 'Feeling expansive' is, I think all I've ever wanted. Accepting and knowing that life will now look different to what was expected for me is quite liberating. (less f*cks given) This is so inspiring x
Thank you for saying hi and so glad this made you feel inspired! Hooray for less f*cks!!
I loved The Nine Lives of Rose Napolitano. It’s so considered and I often think about it a couple of years after reading.
I don’t want kids either and have recently found writing. Those feelings you describe, essentially about feeling happy, resonated strongly with me. A great piece - thank you!
Hannah, thank you for the kind words about my novel--I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and also that my piece resonated. And Hannah, I was just checking out your website and substack and podcast and I am so glad to discover it! I love the theme of career change. I think about it constantly lately actually. We should talk some time about it! I'm happy you stopped by!
I would love to talk about career change with you Donna! I’m always on the lookout for people to interview for the podcast if that’s something you might be interested in?
Hannah, yes! I've been thinking about this topic constantly, and have been in a bit of an accidental career shift, that I am starting to turn intentional, and ask myself what do I want from here on out? After an earlier, major career change two decades ago. I'd love to talk about all of this with you! And I can't wait to listen to the episodes you already have up . . .
Wonderful! I will email you over the next couple of days 🙌🏻
Great! donnamariefreitas@gmail.com
I look forward to talking . . .
So good. Thanks for writing!
Rachel! I owe you an email. More soon!
xoxo
Fascinating to know the personal backstory to 9 Lives of Rose Napolitano, and I’m really happy book clubs keep discovering it!
Andromeda! I keep wanting to be I touch with more questions. I just finally ordered your new book and I'm taking it away with me on Monday!!!! I can't wait to read it. Let's chat on WhatsApp.
Thank you for staying true to You! Ultimately I think that’s what it comes down to. A happy and fulfilled person is someone standing in their power, they are not easily controlled and that scares people. + it’s the biggest gift you give to yourself and those in your life :)
Cheryl, I love what you say here, and it reminds me of all the wonderful at the end of your memoir!!